Say This, Not That: 10 Phrases That Can Ruin Conversations When You’re Emotional

In certain situations, emotions can run high. It can be hard to keep your cool and sometimes the wrong thing slips out. Been there, done that, and I slept on the couch. When you feel your emotions taking over, take a moment to calm down and consider your words carefully. These 10 phrases can immediately ruin any conversation.
1. “You Always…” or “You Never…”
Absolute statements like “You always ignore me” or “You never listen” put people on the defensive. They make the other person feel unfairly judged, leading to arguments instead of solutions. Instead, try “I’ve noticed this has happened a few times, and it makes me feel unheard.” This approach focuses on your feelings rather than blaming the other person. It keeps the conversation open rather than turning it into a fight. Avoiding absolutes makes it easier to have a productive discussion.
2. “Calm Down.”
I used this one in my opening paragraph, but it’s something you should avoid. Telling someone to “calm down” when they’re upset almost always has the opposite effect. It minimizes their feelings and makes them feel invalidated. Rather than doing this, try saying, “I can see you’re really upset—how can I help?” This shows empathy and lets them know their emotions matter. People respond better when they feel heard rather than dismissed. Acknowledging their emotions first helps defuse tension rather than fuel it.
3. “It’s Not a Big Deal.”
Downplaying someone’s concerns can make them feel unheard or foolish for being upset. What may not seem significant to you could be deeply important to them. Try saying “I see this is important to you. Let’s talk about it.” This response shows that you respect their feelings even if you don’t fully understand them. Validating emotions helps keep conversations productive. People are more likely to open up when they don’t feel judged.
4. “I Don’t Care.”
Even if you don’t mean it in a harsh way, saying “I don’t care” can feel dismissive and hurtful. It can shut down the conversation and make the other person feel unimportant. Instead, say something like “I don’t have a strong opinion, but I’d like to hear what you think.” This keeps the dialogue open and shows you value their input. Even small shifts in wording can make a big difference in emotional conversations.
5. “I Told You So.”
No one likes to be reminded of their mistakes when they’re already feeling vulnerable. Saying “I told you so” only adds frustration and resentment. Instead, try “I understand why this is upsetting. Let’s figure out a solution together.” This approach is supportive rather than condescending. Focusing on solutions rather than blame makes conversations more constructive. People appreciate support over smugness.
6. “Whatever.”
A dismissive “whatever” can feel like a verbal eye-roll. It signals that you don’t care enough to engage in the conversation. “I need a moment to think before I respond” is a much better way to handle the situation. This phrase shows you’re still engaged but need time to process. It prevents misunderstandings and allows space for a more meaningful discussion. Conversations are more productive when both people feel heard.
7. “You’re Overreacting.”
Telling someone they’re overreacting immediately invalidates their emotions. Even if you think they’re being dramatic, their feelings are real to them. Saying something like “I can see you’re upset—let’s talk about what’s bothering you” can further the conversation rather than ending it in an explosion. This acknowledges their emotions without judgment. Conversations are more effective when emotions are respected rather than dismissed.
8. “This Is Just How I Am.”
Saying “This is just how I am” can come across as refusing to take responsibility for your actions. While everyone has personality traits, relationships require compromise and growth. Instead, say “I know this is something I struggle with, and I’ll try to be more aware of it.” This shows a willingness to improve and meet the other person halfway. People appreciate effort and accountability more than defensiveness.
9. “Fine.”
A short, snappy “fine” rarely means everything is fine. It usually signals frustration or passive aggression. You might say something like, “I’m frustrated right now, but I’d like to talk about this later.” This provides clarity rather than leaving the other person guessing. Honest communication prevents unnecessary tension and confusion.
10. “Forget It.”
Saying “Forget it” mid-conversation shuts down communication entirely. It sends the message that the issue doesn’t matter, even if it does. You might have better luck saying something like “I need a little time to cool off before we continue this conversation.” This keeps the door open for further discussion rather than cutting it off completely. It also shows emotional maturity and prevents regretful outbursts.
Words Matter More Than You Think
The words you choose can make a huge difference when it comes to your relationships. Always be mindful of how what you say will impact those around you. This can help you avoid unnecessary conflict and help you understand those around you better. Avoiding reactive statements and replacing them with more thoughtful phrases can make a world of difference. In fact, it can change the direction of the conversation entirely.
Read More
9 Signs Someone’s Past Is Affecting Their Relationships (And How to Help)
6 Secret Habits Happy Couples Swear By (But Never Talk About)

Drew Blankenship is a former Porsche technician who writes and develops content full-time. He lives in North Carolina, where he enjoys spending time with his wife and two children. While Drew no longer gets his hands dirty modifying Porsches, he still loves motorsport and avidly watches Formula 1.