8 Marriage Vows That Secretly Set You Up to Be Taken Advantage Of
Marriage vows are meant to be a beautiful promise between two people. Still, sometimes, the words we say at the altar can unintentionally open the door to being taken for granted. While most couples recite their vows with the best intentions, certain phrases can set up unhealthy expectations or even enable one partner to take advantage of the other. If you’re planning to tie the knot or want to reflect on your own marriage vows, it’s worth taking a closer look at what you’re really promising. Understanding the hidden pitfalls in some traditional vows can help you build a more balanced, respectful partnership. Let’s explore eight common marriage vows that might secretly set you up to be taken advantage of—and what you can do about it.
1. “I Promise Always to Put You First”
On the surface, this vow sounds selfless and loving. But promising always to put your partner first can lead to neglecting your own needs, dreams, and well-being. Over time, this imbalance can breed resentment and exhaustion. Healthy relationships require both partners to prioritize themselves sometimes, ensuring that self-care and personal growth aren’t sacrificed for the sake of the other. Instead of pledging always to put your spouse first, consider vowing to support each other’s needs equally and communicate openly about what matters most to both of you.
2. “I’ll Do Whatever It Takes to Make You Happy”
While the desire to make your partner happy is admirable, this vow can set a dangerous precedent. It suggests that your partner’s happiness is solely your responsibility, which is not true. Each person is responsible for their own emotional well-being. According to Psychology Today, relying on someone else for happiness can lead to codependency and disappointment. Instead, focus on supporting each other’s happiness while maintaining healthy boundaries.
3. “I Will Never Say No to You”
This vow might sound romantic in the heat of the moment, but it can quickly become a recipe for being taken advantage of. Always saying yes can lead to one partner dominating the relationship, making all the decisions, or expecting constant compliance. Boundaries are essential in any healthy marriage. It’s okay—and necessary—to say no sometimes, whether it’s about finances, intimacy, or family obligations. A more balanced vow would be to listen to each other’s needs and respect each other’s limits.
4. “I Promise to Forgive You, No Matter What”
Forgiveness is a cornerstone of any strong marriage, but promising unconditional forgiveness can be problematic. This vow can unintentionally give your partner a free pass to repeat hurtful behaviors, knowing you’ll always forgive them. According to Verywell Mind, forgiveness should be a thoughtful process, not an automatic response. It’s important to hold each other accountable and work through issues together, rather than sweeping them under the rug.
5. “I’ll Always Be There, Even If You Hurt Me”
Loyalty is important, but this vow can enable unhealthy dynamics, especially in cases of emotional or physical abuse. No one should feel obligated to stay in a relationship where they are being harmed. Promising always to be there, regardless of how you’re treated, can make it harder to leave a toxic situation. Instead, vow to support each other through challenges while also committing to mutual respect and safety.
6. “I Will Change for You”
Change is a natural part of any relationship, but promising to change who you are for your partner can lead to losing your sense of self. This vow can encourage one-sided sacrifices and set the stage for manipulation. A healthy marriage is built on acceptance and growth, not on one partner molding themselves to fit the other’s expectations. Instead, promise to grow together and support each other’s personal development.
7. “Your Needs Will Always Come Before Mine”
Like putting your partner first, this vow can create an unhealthy dynamic where one person’s needs are consistently overlooked. Over time, this can lead to burnout and resentment. Marriage should be a partnership where both people’s needs are valued and met. Instead of promising to always put your partner’s needs above your own, vow to communicate openly and strive for balance in meeting each other’s needs.
8. “I’ll Never Let You Down”
While wanting to be reliable is natural, this vow sets an impossible standard. Everyone makes mistakes, and promising perfection can lead to guilt, anxiety, and unrealistic expectations. It’s healthier to acknowledge that both partners will occasionally fall short and to commit to working through disappointments together. A more realistic vow is to support each other through ups and downs and learn from team mistakes.
Rethinking Your Marriage Vows for a Healthier Partnership
Marriage vows are powerful, but shouldn’t come at the expense of your well-being or individuality. The key to a strong, lasting marriage is mutual respect, open communication, and healthy boundaries. By rethinking traditional vows and making promises that honor both partners equally, you can build a relationship where neither person is set up to be taken advantage of. Remember, a healthy marriage is a partnership, not a sacrifice.
What marriage vows do you think are most important—or most problematic? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!
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Travis Campbell is a digital marketer/developer with over 10 years of experience and a writer for over 6 years. He holds a degree in E-commerce and likes to share life advice he’s learned over the years. Travis loves spending time on the golf course or at the gym when he’s not working.