Why Male Friendships Are Treated as Optional, Not Necessary
When was the last time you saw a movie or TV show where a group of men sat down and talked about their feelings, dreams, or struggles? Chances are, it’s a rare sight. In our culture, male friendships are often seen as a nice bonus, not a vital part of a healthy life. This attitude can leave men feeling isolated, misunderstood, and unsupported. But why do we treat male friendships as optional, not necessary? Understanding this issue matters because strong friendships are linked to better mental health, longer lives, and greater happiness for everyone, men included. If you’re a man or care about one, it’s time to rethink how we value these essential bonds.
1. Social Conditioning Starts Early
From a young age, boys are often taught to be tough, independent, and emotionally reserved. Phrases like “boys don’t cry” or “man up” send a clear message: vulnerability is weakness. This social conditioning doesn’t just discourage emotional expression—it also makes it harder for men to form deep, meaningful friendships. Instead of seeing friendship as a necessity, many men grow up believing it’s something extra, not essential. According to a Harvard study, men are less likely than women to prioritize friendships, which can lead to loneliness and even depression later in life.
2. The Myth of Self-Sufficiency
Our culture loves the image of the lone wolf—the man who handles everything on his own. While independence is valuable, the myth of total self-sufficiency can be damaging. It suggests that needing friends is a sign of weakness, so men may avoid reaching out or investing in friendships. This mindset can make male friendships feel optional, not necessary, even though research shows that social connections are crucial for mental and physical health. In fact, a study from the American Psychological Association found that social isolation increases the risk of premature death as much as smoking or obesity.
3. Limited Models of Male Friendship
Look at popular media, and you’ll notice that male friendships are often portrayed as shallow or based solely on shared activities—think sports, video games, or work. Rarely do we see men having heart-to-heart conversations or supporting each other through tough times. This lack of representation reinforces the idea that male friendships are less important or deep than female ones. Without positive models, men may not realize how rewarding and necessary true friendship can be. If you want to break the cycle, seek out or create spaces where men can connect on a deeper level.
4. Life Transitions Make It Harder
As men get older, life gets busier. Careers, relationships, and family responsibilities can push friendships to the back burner. Unlike women, who often maintain friendships through regular communication, men may let connections fade if they’re not convenient. This isn’t just a personal failing—it’s a reflection of how society undervalues male friendships. To make friendships a priority, men need to be intentional about staying in touch, even when life gets hectic. Scheduling regular meetups or check-ins can help keep these bonds strong.
5. Fear of Vulnerability
Opening up to others can feel risky, especially for men who’ve been taught to hide their emotions. The fear of being judged or rejected can make it hard to share struggles or ask for support. But vulnerability is the foundation of any strong friendship. When men allow themselves to be open and honest, they create space for deeper connections. If you’re struggling to be vulnerable, start small—share something personal with a trusted friend and see how it feels. Chances are, you’ll find that your friendship grows stronger, not weaker.
6. The Impact on Mental Health
Treating male friendships as optional, not necessary, has real consequences. Men are statistically more likely to experience loneliness, depression, and even suicide, in part because they lack strong social support networks. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), men die by suicide at a rate nearly four times higher than women. Building and maintaining friendships isn’t just about having fun—it’s a critical part of staying healthy and resilient. If you’re feeling isolated, reaching out to a friend could be the first step toward better mental health.
Rethinking What’s “Necessary” for Men
It’s time to challenge the idea that male friendships are optional, not necessary. Friendships aren’t just a luxury—they’re a lifeline. By prioritizing connection, embracing vulnerability, and making time for friends, men can build the kind of support networks that lead to happier, healthier lives. Whether you’re rekindling an old friendship or starting a new one, remember: investing in your relationships is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
How do you prioritize your friendships, and what challenges have you faced in keeping them strong? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Read More
What No One Tells Men About Friendship After 30
Why More Men Are Finally Going to Therapy and What They’re Learning
