Dining as a Group. Paying as a Group.
I’m sure many of you have experienced (or forced the experience upon others) of “splitting the check evenly” among all your fellow diners. I know J. Money (formerly J. Savings) did recently. Well last night we were involved in a check-splitting ourselves, and I sort of stood my ground.
We had a going-away party for a former coworker at a moderatly-priced Indian restaurant in Virginia. There were 12 of us, counting the guest-of-honor, and also Stacie (even though she never worked with him). We have a rule against dining out on week nights, but this was a special occasion, so we were allowed. The guy is moving to Budapest, Hungary for an unknown number of years (he’s a British national in the U.S. as an ex-patriot for the last 7 years. Whew, I don’t envy his financial situation of converting currencies and handling pensions!).
Anywho, we split 3 appetizers among all 12 of us ($8 each), and there was so much food that I was almost full before we even ordered our main course. So instead of each ordering a meal, Stacie and I split a meal. The waiter was very pushy that it wouldn’t be enough food, etc etc., but I held firm that we would split the meal. Plus it meant room for dessert if we wanted.
Our meal was about $12, and we each had waters, so the running total is $16 for the two of us. I know our guest’s meal was about $14 (he got water too), so tack on another $3 (rounded off) to make it $19 as we were helping to cover his meal.
If you consider 20% tip and 6% tax, our own bill should have come out to be about $24 total.
Splitting the Check Evenly, but not Fairly
But when the check came and they did the math (wrong at first anyway. They divided by 12, not 11), the total per person was $22.50. Wow, nothing like spending $21 MORE than what we owed. We got a veggie dish while others got meat dishes (a $2-4 difference) and a few got Mango Lasi drinks or other fountain drinks.
So I walked over to the friend collecting the totals and gave him $27. That was the $22 (rounded down) for one person, plus another $5 to help cover our share of the appetizers.
Then I found out he miscalculated and the share per person should have been $24.50. I asked if he wanted more from us, but he declined. He absorbed the extra cost (he’s a meek individual, luckily for our wallets).
What would you have done?
I know a number of you would have shelled out the $45 for two people, while others would have asked for a separate check (yeah, try doing it in a restaurant that hates splitting checks among 2 couples, much less 12), but I went for the middle ground of offering more than our actual share of the cost, but not nearly as much as was being asked. Think I’m cheap? Think I’m a hero? Think I’m an absolutely normal, boring guy?
Try one of these related posts too!:
- Hiccups with our trip plans
- Poll Results: How much you got back in taxes this year
- Update: Identity of Fraudulent Resume Revealed!
- Ashamed: 5 Reasons We Went Over Our Dining Budget by $300
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Clever Dude and his bride started with over $110,000 in consumer debt and in just 3 short years, they have reduced it down to a mere fraction. The "Dude" writes about his mistakes in finances and marriage in hopes that you, the reader, can learn just a few nuggets of wisdom.
That’s an interesting dilemma. In the days before Wes and I got “more frugal”, we would have insisted on paying the full check. These days, we would have paid the $45 .. but wouldn’t have been happy about it. I think you did the right thing by taking the middle ground. Too bad that one person absorbed the cost though. Everyone should have paid what they owed, not the even split.
I’ve never quite understood the “split the check evenly” mentality, possibly because I’ve never run into it - I’ve been splitting checks with friends for years, and at the end of the meal, we all look at the tab and throw in for our share to cover our food, beverages, and tip.
I’d peg it as regional, but you’re not that far from me (I’m in Eastern PA). Is it laziness that drives this sort of check-splitting? I’m just not clear on why it would ever be considered necessary or appropriate.
Kudos to you for standing your ground!
@Dani, I don’t think it was laziness in this case as we had the guest of honor right there was I don’t think anyone (including ourselves) wanted to openly haggle about the costs and make him feel bad (although he had no reason to).
If it was just a large group where everyone was paying, then I would have been more vocal and said “this is what we owe and you all can subtract it from the total and divide THAT amongst yourselves).
And yeah, I do feel bad for the guy who picked up the remainder (probably an extra $15), but on the other hand, he was 45 minutes late with bringing the guest of honor to dinner. We were hungry! (didn’t mention that in the article).
I think you’re quite generous! You can go out to eat with us ANYTIME!
These situatios are always difficult for us as well!
To be honest, there are times when I would rather just pay for the entire tab ourselves than watching people play the oh gee, how much do I owe again game!
Bottom line is it’s difficult enough being frugal while dining out, it makes it even more difficult to be frugal when dining out with “unfrugal” friends!
I probably would of paid whatever the collector said and chaulked it up as a lesson learned!
Luckily that situation has only happened to me once and I just put in what I spent and said that was my share. I would mostly feel bad for the guy who got stuck with the extra, but otherwise, you did a good job sticking up for yourself!
Luckily our friends tend to always pay for themselves, or I’d stop going out with them. I do ask for separate checks sometimes because other odd things happen to us.
Some acquaintances are horrible tippers and sometimes they look at what they think the total should be with a tiny tip and subtract what we gave them, so they pay less and part of our tip goes toward their meal.
We also run into problems with a certain group where they do total up what they owe, but “miscalculate” or “forget” tax and tip, so the final amount is always short and we’re not sure who is the culprit. With those we’re never sure if it’s intentional or a true mistake…
We tend to not dine out as much anyway, and invite people over to the house to grill, etc. It’s so much easier that way!
Looks like you did better than i did! I stood my ground, at first, but then gave in the the evil stares to avoid any more awkwardness
It looks like it cost us, and you guys, a few extra dollars - but at least everyone’s still friendly!
Yeah that was awkward. I decided with my friends before we order about making mine separate. I don’t eat a lot of things at restaurants so it works for me that way.
I don’t eat meat so if they are going to order a meat appetizer to share I don’t see why I should have to pay for it when I won’t even touch it.
But hey it works out for my friends and everyone decides who gets a split and who gets their own check before we order and we make sure to tell the waitstaff…we have not had any problems yet.
Amazing. I had a very similar situation one a few days ago and I received the check and oddly enough, once the tip was added, if we divided the bill or paid for what we ate, it was the same! That was easy!!
But whenever we go to an expensive establishment, ego goes out the window and what I honestly feel is fairness takes over. I am not ashamed to request that I pay for what I eat and drink.
Good going Clever Dude!!
Tropper
http://www.dontdiepoor.com
First, I’m not crazy about the “split the bill evenly” method, as those who (a) don’t eat meat, (b) don’t eat appetizers, and (c) don’t drink [or don't drink much] usually end up helping to bankroll other peoples’ meat, appetizers, and alcohol.
Among people of basically even financial ability, or among people who dine out together a lot and generally eat/drink pretty evenly, this probably isn’t much of an issue–you pay a little more this time, maybe someone else pays a little more next time, etc.
But if you’ve got a mixture of friends where some of them make six figures, some of them are struggling to support kids on a single income, some of them are scraping by at $9.75 an hour, some of them are freelancers with irregular income, etc., I think it becomes a much greater issue.
No one wants to be the one at the meal to say, “Um, I kind of can’t afford the four rounds of drinks, five appetizers, and sampler platter of desserts… can we tone it down?” But as (s)he’s sitting there watching his/her grocery budget for the next week go down the friends’ gullets, the scraping-by-guy or single-income-mom is probably thinking, “Great. Either I’m a cheapskate to my friends, or I don’t eat for the remainder of the week.”
Part of it is how sensitive the group is to that kind of situation. I don’t think it’s courteous to expect others to kick in for your own indulgences, if it’s obvious that they aren’t indulging along with you, or if they had no idea that would be expected of them prior to the bill arriving.
If it is a planned get-together, like a going away party or birthday party, then all parties should be notified ahead of time that it’s a “split the bill evenly” situation–never assume everyone “already knows” or “should know” that. That can affect whether someone accepts or declines the invitation, and it will put everyone on notice to have cash on hand. (A LOT of people carry only debit cards, and rarely have cash at the ready, making an unexpected split-it-evenly situation very difficult.)
If it’s a more impromptu get-together, then I think common sense and common courtesy go a long way. E.g., if you’re on your fifth round of daiquiris, and the rest of the group is still lingering over their first or second beer, don’t you dare expect them to “split the bill evenly” at the end of the evening. Similarly, if you decide to order the lobster/steak special along with the house dessert specialty, and the majority of the group is ordering the burger-salad combo, be decent and cough up the extra cash without being asked at the end of the meal.
The difference between being sensitive about this topic and not caring is, for many people, the difference between being financially able to socialize with their friends on their special occasions and having to send their regrets.
Finally, if you’re the “organizer” of the event, I think you have to be prepared to kick in the extra if everyone else’s contributions don’t cover it. It’s not pleasant, and it’s not preferable, and it’s not fair, but I’ve been in situations where the event organizer insisted on going around to each person individually and collected the extra $0.75 owed, rather than just paying it and letting it go. That’s tacky, and that’s uncomfortable. (Guess how many of us were excited to go to the next event he planned?) If you organize a group event where it’s a split-it-evenly situation (either because of convenience or because the restaurant you chose won’t allow it other ways), then you kind of take the risk of absorbing your friends’ miscalculations.
Be courteous. Have common sense. And never be the one at the table with the largest bill at the end of the evening. And there you go.
I don’t know, it sounds like you knew the bill was going to be split at the beginning, at least you knew when appetizers were ordered. Even though you weren’t super hungry when it came time to order entrees, you both could have ordered one and taken the leftovers home for another meal. Then you wouldn’t have looked so cheap, and the guy collecting the money wouldn’t have had to put more in. Nor would he tell his coworkers what a tightwad you were behind your back.
@Alex:
1) No, we didn’t know it would be split evenly at the beginning. Why would you think that by ordering appetizers that it would? Yes, splitting appetizers evenly makes sense, but not when you get to the entrees.
2) Why would I want to spend another $11-14 on a second meal when I didn’t want it? That’s just dumb.
3) I don’t care what he tells his coworkers because I don’t work with any of these people any longer. Actually only a few of us even work at the original company (that we met each other at) anymore.
We have some friends where splitting the check evenly works out well for us.
But, I’m reminded of one time I was with a group of friends. We went to a pricey Cajun restaurant.
My wife and I had a late lunch, so we decided to just split an entree. We also only had water with our meal.
Well, there were 2 people at the table who ordered very expensive meals and wine. Then, after dinner, they started getting after dinner drinks. When the bill came, they tried to get us to subsidize their expensive meals and drinks.
Luckily, we weren’t the only ones at the table who didn’t like that idea too much. My wife and I paid our $25, and 2 other couples paid their fair share, but the other two were left to pay the remaining $250 bill.
Needless to say, we haven’t been out to dinner with those 2 since.
In a large group like that, I would just go along with the even split if that is what everyone has agreed to- even if it means I pay more than I should. In a smaller group, I would get split checks or do a little more math to get fair totals for everyone.
Maybe It’s just me but I always insist on separate checks. I’d rather pay my own share of the bill, so it’s harder on the restaurant? If it’s too big a deal, then I just won’t eat there. I’ve been burned too many times. For example, went out to eat with a group and one person who was a complete stranger, a “friend of a friend” suddenly got an “emergency call” left without paying his portion (he’d had drinks and expensive appetizers) and everyone else was stuck paying for him. Needless to say, some people don’t have any shame!
Why is the individual who covered your share “meek” and perhaps not just generous?
@Sam, why do you have to question me? I’ve known the guy for 7 years and know when he’s being generous and when he’s afraid to speak up. Remember, I’M the Clever Dude, not you
Stuff like this makes me kind of glad I don’t have any friends, so I don’t get into this kind of situation.
Honestly I think you are extremely cheap and extremely boring. Let’s not even get into the fact that you rarely go out for dinner and when you do you split a cheap meal and just drink water. But the fact that you were so cheap about paying an extra $12-$15 for a celebratory group meal is baffling. Regardless of how you feel about yourself, I can assure you the others at the table think you’re a cheapskate and that is how you’ll be perceived by people. I go out with my friends to eat most nights. I’m glad we don’t have these issues, friendships are more important. The least you could have done is to ask that the bill be split 11 ways instead of 12 (where you end up paying 2/12ths of it). That would have been proper etiquette when everyone was fine with splitting the bill (because frankly most people aren’t that cheap) but you shared 1 meal so splitting by 11 makes sense. I like how you doubled up on your cheap fleabag behavior by taking advantage of a guy you know as “meek” to save a few bucks. You must have some great friendships, if you ever fall overboard on a ship you better hope your friends will try to save you. Because from the sound of it, you sound like someone not really worth the effort.
I wrote about it here. http://www.livingalmostlarge.com/2008/02/10/splitting-meals/
It pisses me off because they expect to share when they shouldn’t. Plus I have no hesistation speaking up and yet they still do it!
What is wrong with people?
It sounds like you were the “meek” one. Although, I don’t feel you should have had to “cough up” the difference, I feel it was “your responsibility” to “make good” on your portion of debt that was ear-marked for you. If you felt so strongly in only paying your fair share, you should have made this known to the entire dinner party. (They would, then, all be aware of their additional responsibility, whether they pay it or not is up to them.) Was that too awkward for you? Instead, you chose to avoid that situation and “weasel” your way out the door. Your sound too proud to have done so, this could be construed as “cheap.”
Hey Clever dude!!! I know I work pretty hard for my money and in these days of $4.00 a gallon we should all be careful. Carefree attitudes about spending money is merely the begining of some nasty financial situations. I would never expect someone else to pay for my share in that situation. Nor would I just pay without question, I think you did good, a wise thinker, without hurting anyone.
Wow, JD and Dee, you must be flush with cash. Do you think it’s reasonable to pay a portion of the total for the person in front of you at the grocery store? How about if you and some friends go to a movie: do you pay for more than your ticket and snacks? A group goes to Vegas for the weekend. Do you pay the entire room expense even though friends shared the room with you? No to those? Why should a meal be any different? It’s not that difficult to figure out what each person owes, but if the actual numbers are too confusing, people can round up to the nearest dollar. That might help with the tax/tip dilemma, too.
As for not addressing the entire group, this was a party situation, and it might have put a damper on the festivities. Instead of meek, I would call that considerate. While it’s a great idea to find out ahead of time how the check will be handled, often planenrs just don’t know or choose not to address that beforehand.
Why does all of this make CleverDude boring? Is drinking soda or tea or a beer that much more interesting than drinking water? Is stuffing yourself or ordering more than you want more interesting than splitting a meal?
How on earth does all this lead to the conclusion that CleverDude isn’t worth saving if he falls overboard on a ship??? Good God, a life judgement based on a restaurant bill.
I would have more than likely picked up the check for the table as I do most of the time.
Well, in a large group of acquaintances, not good friends, I would have paid the $45, because I am new to the frugal living thing and still worry about looking cheap. I know that’s a bit weak, but it’s where I’m at. If it were close friends who understood me better, I’d pay for only what I ate. And I always insist that the restaurant split the check. If they give me any crap about it, AFTER I’ve eaten, I’ll speak to the manager, then never return. There are too many good restaurants to put up with that lousy attitude.
I hate when this happens and it’s not easy just for everyone to pitch in an extra two bucks because one or two people are stingy. Some of my friends need to learn math or realize they’re lousy tippers.
I cannot stand to go out to dinner and eveyone slerp down those alcholic drinks and the most expensive meal on the menu, run up a tab and expect to split the bill with someone who had free water and a salad. I am glad to hear you stood your ground. The people who are cheap are the ones expecting everyone else to pay for there choice of a expensive meal. When my husband and i go out and we are splitting the bill or it is a party we make sure it established up front if we are splitting. And if we choose the high road dinner and drinks we pay our own tab so noone else has to split our choice’s. I think there is nothing wrong with what you did…
I can’t believe how many people are in favor of this annoying habit of nitpicking over money at a shared celebratory dinner. When you go out to the kind of dinner described you should consider it a shared event where everyone will chip in equally and if you can’t afford it then make an excuse about not going and do whatever you want to recognize the going away on your own. This sort of behavior is rude and selfish.
I think this is one of those situations where you’re walking the fine line between frugal and cheap. In situations where my eating out budget is low due to an extra “occasion” I’ll discuss with the organizer ahead of time that I plan on getting a separate check or am concerned about splitting the check. Its really awkward for the whole group to sort that out afterward. If the event is at a restaurant where a separate check is not an option or I can’t afford to split the tab, then I won’t go. You could also have just joined the group for dessert or a drink.
I would foot the bill and wound not have second thought about that. Yes. I would consider this type of behaviour as cheap. No offense meant here.if you have to nitpick like this, you should not gone to the celebratory dinner in the first place.
I for one dislike splitting a meal check of a party where members are not familiar with each other. Stating upfront what the split cost rules are is a must and should be verbalized during the invite. The invited party must be given a chance to object to the rules and then given a chance either to agree to the rules or refrain from showing up. Guests of invities are the responsibility of the invited. I for one have no issues with clear and acceptable rules for payment from those doing the inviting. Individual guests need to carry enough CASH and keep tabs of their meal/drink expenses. Guests should be prepared to have the correct dollar amount available so as not to pull out a $100 and expect resultant confusion to lower his/her tab.
My2¢ –Erik
My experience shows that there are a certain amount of freeloaders who will order the high end drinks, and top of the line food when they are in a group situation, but would never do so when they are by themselves, knowing they will have to pay the entire bill. I am not cheap. I tend to order the high end drinks myself, and I also order whatever I want on the menu regardless of price, but I certainly do not expect others to pay for my choices. Those who are more frugil in their choices should certainly not have to subsidize mine, nor should they have to feel ‘cheap’ because they request to pay for the food and beverages they ordered. As many people get together now days due to common interests, does not mean that they are also on the same playing field finanacially. Pay your own way. There is no problem with that. Unless everyone gets seperate checks, whoever organizes an event should figure the tax added and the appropriate amount of tip for each particpant and give the total owed to that person. captlynhall
Wow! I am floored w/ all the responses that suggest you should actually absorb the cost of other people’s meals and kudos to the poster who pointed out “Do you think it’s reasonable to pay a portion of the total for the person in front of you at the grocery store? How about if you and some friends go to a movie: do you pay for more than your ticket and snacks? …”
Personally, I would have only paid for my portion, plus extra for tip.
It’s not about being or “looking” cheap, it’s simply about fairness, you should only pay for what you receive. And if you are cheap and pay extra to avoid “looking” cheap in front of people - then you’ve got a bigger problem than finances!
First off, I can not begin to understand how this is the same as paying for a total strangers bill at a grocery store. Who would do that? Although, on occasion, I may split the cost of a movie and snacks with friends, having paid a few bucks more in the process. It’s not a big deal when you know your friends will reciprocate at a later date.
Not being flush with cash; I, too, only want to pay my fair share. I have a big problem, however, taking “great pride” in avoiding embarrassment to oneself or as the cheap ones like to put it…bringing down the party by explaining why I was going to pay my fair share. Would that surprise them coming from someone that just drank water and split a meal at a party? I don’t think so. Would that have started a fight? They were all adults, right? If I were a member of the party and Clever Dude made a fuss over the bill (and again, I agree in paying my fair share) I might think, cheapskate. Or, maybe I might think, I don’t blame him. Either way, that doesn’t put a damper on “my party.” Knowing Clever Dude better in repeated situations would give me a better judge on which way I would have gone with my thoughts.
Not knowing him personally and only having this situation to go on, I feel that he
just wished to avoid his awkwardness of the situation. He used the “excuse” that he didn’t want to cause any problems at a party and he had no problem waking out the door knowing that the “meek one” would absorb the cost.
He is so proud of himself!
In that situation it’s walking a fine line between annoying the waiter with a separate check or annoying your coworkers by appearing cheap. So which is the lesser evil? In my opinion you should have asked for a separate check first — it would have saved the entire situation. The waiter, who arguably you might never see again, might have been short with you — but your coworkers, including the person who absorbed the extra costs, would have been more satisfied with your behavior, and you see them every day. Not to mention that you’d have been more satisfied with your own behavior.
It seems to me you just sat back and hoped that either the problem would not arise, or when it did, that someone else would solve it for you. However, if you feel so strongly about paying your own way, you have to insist strongly on paying it — at the beginning — and not waiting for the problem to solve itself.
I’ve gone out with different groups of friends, and the breakdown has always been the same: each of us pays for our own food/drinks, and then splitting tax and tip evenly. In a case like this, someone everyone trusted would do a tally (and probably be double-checked by someone else) and determine that tax, tip, appetizers, and the guest of honor’s share came out to, I don’t know, $6. Then everyone just adds $8 to the price of their food. So if you shared a $10 meal, it would be $22 — $10 for food, plus two $6 shares. It kind of splits the difference between covering yourself and everyonre splitting evenly.
Boy, this is a toughie. I don’t think you were rude or boring at all. For me, it depends on the situation. I don’t eat out very often. Sometimes, I eat out with friends, and it’s clear we all order the same thing within a dollar (we all get a tea or coffee, and we all get a burrito, for example). So we split evenly.
Sometimes, if it’s uneven, we’ll do the math.
But seriously, I don’t really like splitting evenly. About half the time I am ordering wine and an appetizer (in addition to an entree), and I REALLY don’t want my friends subsidizing my drinks and snacks. Likewise, I don’t want to subsidize someone else’s. I have been in the position of having someone offer $3 for a split check where he had two beers and an appetizer, and the pregnant woman with a soda and $2 fries is trying to put in $10 (I put my foot down).
OTOH, I have a friend that I do brunch with occasionally (with a large group), and he so sucks at math I just won’t go out anymore. Dh and I routinely get stiffed of about $10-15 each time, because he “forgets” his part, or he doesn’t tip, or he doesn’t add tax, or he collects the money and forgets to leave the tip on the table. I have been out with him in this group where everyone does their own math…and I do my math, add 15-20% for tip plus tax, add a couple of bucks, and THEN get told “everyone needs to add in another $2 (so $4 for us)”. No I don’t THINK so.
Although I have a certain amount of sympathy for your position, and do know that people do run up the bill sometimes, I think you messed this one up. If you wanted to pay separately from the group, you should have asked for a check at the beginning. The fact that you and your wife were so stuffed on one entree leads me to believe that you helped yourself to a generous amount of appetizers, perhaps more than your share. And the fact you waited until AFTER the check was divided up means that you stiffed one person, instead of letting the other people in the group split the bill evenly. That’s not holding your ground, that’s screwing the one person who had to pay $15. That seems particularly unfair, since it seems that you were determined to keep your bill cheap from the very beginning (ordering only one entree and waters). It seems that that was your plan all along, but you didn’t want to be honest about it
@Sheila (and others): We didn’t split the check in the beginning because no one would get appetizers and we would both get our own entree. But the waiter asked one end of the table if we wanted appetizers (not my end) and they ordered 3 sets ($8 each).
The appetizers were large sampler trays that had more than enough food to go around, and we even had leftovers from each tray that shows that no one ate their fill. And our tray was shared by myself (220lb) and a 400lb man (and our wives), so don’t say it’s cause we’re light eaters. At least 2 of us weren’t.
When we decided to share a meal, it wasn’t because we were being cheap. Stacie IS a light eater, but we also knew that the waiters bring out unlimited bread and rice (it was an Indian restaurant), not counting the bread before the meals too. I didn’t see the need to buy another entree when one was good enough. And even if I did, the share would have been MORE per person, not the same, and I would have burdened everyone else for our indulgence.
As for water, Stacie doesn’t drink anything else (except sometimes tea), and I prefer getting my calories from my food, not my drink, so that’s why I went for water myself (I do so about 80% of the time or more).
When the check came, it came to the other end of the table and they did all the math without us even knowing the check came. I was ready to pay for our shares of the appetizers and our one meal and our share of the guest’s meal, but not DOUBLE what we owed simply because others wanted the hearty meat dishes and drinks. I still can’t fathom how our check got so high in the first place when most meals are in the $9-14 range, and the final tally was $24 per person (across 11 people). SOMEONE had a very pricey meal or two (perhaps the seafood dishes).
As a note, I don’t think anyone ordered alcohol. With the mix of people we were in, most are against alcohol for religious reasons or just don’t drink.
I gave the organizer many opportunities to get more money. At first, I thought the $24 was our share (it was communicated down the table, not directly to us). Once I understood it was per person (after I forked over the initial cash), I asked how much he was short (because often some people just throw in a bunch and don’t want change back) and offered to pay the difference. He kept saying no. I gave him at least 3 chances, but he declined each time.
After the debacle with my father-in-law saying he didn’t want ANY money, then giving it anyway, I learned to take no for an answer. I did hand over another $5 (as I mentioned in the article), and he wanted to hand it back but I walked away.
Yes, there are gray areas and you can say “you should have done this” or “I would have done that”, but unless you’re eating with the same exact people I dined with, your situation will always vary. Heck, even from minute to minute, people are generous or stingy, so you can’t assume your group of friends will always decide the same thing, unless you have it in writing.
I don’t think I’ve ever been to an Indian restaurant where they give you unlimited bread and rice - at all the ones I’ve ever been to, you have to pay for the bread and rice per portion, sometimes a ridiculous amount, like $4 for a small plate of rice that barely feeds two people and probably cost them less than 50 cents. Would you mind sharing where this place is?
I can see now why the waiter was unhappy with you for wanting to split one entree between two people. Obviously he wasn’t worried that you wouldn’t have enough food, because with unlimited bread and rice, there’s no such thing as “not enough food” - he was worried that you would fill up on bread and rice and the restaurant wouldn’t make any money off of you. But I don’t think you did anything wrong in this respect - if the restaurant wanted to make sure that each customer orders at least one entree, they would have a stated policy to that effect.
Wow, this seems to be a common problem. I have an easy solution, though (no matter which side of the issue you fall on) - don’t hang out with losers.
Look at the bigger picture. If you going to meet these people often, set the ground rules now and agree to splitting checks. If these are strangers, be polite but firm. For a longer term friendship the extra cost is worth it, as long as it does not become a habit.
Well, you’d be completely normal in my group and all my friends make a decent salary. We call it paying your own way. I bet the people who complain about this are ones who are used to leaching off their friends.
“Some acquaintances are horrible tippers and sometimes they look at what they think the total should be with a tiny tip and subtract what we gave them, so they pay less and part of our tip goes toward their meal.”
This drives me crazy!! I used to know someone who would do this and we eventually stopped going out with her. The kicker was at this dinner where a bunch of us were trying to decide whether to order individual glasses of wine or to split a bottle. A few of us were interested, so we decided on getting at least one bottle. We asked this girl if she’d been planning on ordering a glass, thinking we might get a second bottle. Her response? “No. I’ll just have some of yours.” We all just stared at her.
I refuse to eat at restaurants that wont split checks, they already know who ordered what, because they have to bring it to you.If the restaurant refuses I usually make a small fuss (emphasis on small) and then privately call the manager/owner the next day. One of the things I have discovered is where a waiter refused to do it is because he is worried about his tip, If one person tips poorly in a group everyone else absorbs the loss,but in split checks, he may get not get hardly any extra. Even when they tack on the minimum tip for parties of x or more.
If I am in a small group 2-5 people, I would generally suggest each paying his/her own share. But I would try to avoid awkwardness by taking charge of the bill myself, calculating my share, and then handing it to the next person to calculate theirs. That way you avoid a situation where someones else calculates the amount for everyone. Once that is done, I think it is too late to just pay your own share, because someone else will have to pay more to make up for the shortfall - which is unfair.
For a larger group, especially for a special occasion, I think the bill should be split evenly. You can’t think of it as “unfair” - you are not paying for the food, but are sharing equally in the cost of the event.