When She Has Poor Hygiene: 10 Subtle Ways To Get Her to Clean Up Her Act
Poor hygiene can have an impact on your relationships. No one wants to spend time with someone who can’t take care of themselves. Not to mention, it can lead to unpleasant smells and more. But bringing it up isn’t easy. It can be awkward, and you certainly don’t want to hurt their feelings. However, there are plenty of subtle ways that you can encourage better habits.
1. Start With Shared Habits
One of the best ways to help your partner improve their personal hygiene is to start with shared habits. Make parts of your hygiene routine something you do together. Talk about the habits you want to focus on. For instance, mention that you want to start showering more regularly or flossing every day. Whatever the case may be, when they see you investing in self-care, it could encourage them to do the same. You’re framing it as a mutual lifestyle improvement, not a criticism of how they care for themselves.
2. Give Hygiene-Related Gifts (Thoughtfully)
Personal care gifts can come across as passive-aggressive—unless you’re careful. To make it work, pair hygiene items with luxury or pampering appeal. Think spa kits, designer body wash, or high-end hair care products. Present it as a treat, not a hint, by tying it to a holiday, celebration, or just-because gesture. If it’s wrapped in affection, it won’t feel like a critique.
3. Make Clean Spaces a Priority
The environment you live in can have a huge impact on your behavior. Talk about decluttering your space and keeping areas of your home clean. You aren’t shaming the other person, just gently nudging them toward better habits that can improve their overall hygiene.
4. Plan Activities That Encourage Cleanliness
Some activities naturally lead to better hygiene without calling it out. Invite her to go swimming, take a fitness class, or try a couples massage. These activities require clean clothes, fresh bodies, and often lead to showers before or after. It’s an indirect way to boost hygiene routines without even mentioning them. Plus, you’re bonding while building healthier habits.
5. Compliment Her When She’s Fresh
Reinforce positive hygiene by complimenting her when she looks or smells great. Tell her you love her freshly washed hair or how amazing her perfume smells. These compliments encourage her to continue those behaviors. Everyone loves to be admired—and when it’s tied to cleanliness, it creates motivation. Just be genuine and don’t overdo it, or it might feel calculated.
6. Use Humor Lightly and Kindly
Humor can diffuse tension if it’s delivered gently and with affection. A playful comment like, “We’ve both been a little funky lately—want to shower together?” can ease the conversation. This keeps things light instead of accusatory. Just avoid sarcasm or mean-spirited jokes, which can backfire. The goal is connection, not making her feel bad.
7. Ask for Help With Shared Cleaning Tasks
Frame hygiene discussions around shared tasks like laundry, dishes, or bathroom cleaning. Say something like, “Can you help me get the bathroom back to spa level this weekend?” This frames cleanliness as a team effort. When she participates, it reinforces cleanliness in a nonjudgmental way. Over time, she may become more invested in staying clean and tidy herself.
8. Have an Honest But Gentle Talk
If things don’t improve, a respectful conversation may be necessary. Choose a calm moment when emotions aren’t running high. Use “I” statements—like “I’ve been feeling disconnected because of certain things, and I want us to be closer”—instead of “You never clean yourself.” Focus on how it affects your bond and avoid making it sound like an attack. Honesty, when paired with compassion, can open the door to change.
9. Make Hygiene a Couple’s Goal
Use goals to reframe hygiene as part of your shared lifestyle. Say you’re both trying to be healthier this year—start a checklist that includes hydration, showers, and grooming. Tracking progress together turns it into a fun couple’s challenge. It’s easier for people to improve habits when they feel like they’re part of a team. It’s subtle, supportive, and removes shame from the process.
10. Reevaluate Compatibility If Nothing Changes
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, things don’t change. If poor hygiene in relationships becomes a consistent barrier, you need to ask if your values truly align. Hygiene is tied to self-respect, health, and intimacy. If she refuses to care for herself even after kind, constructive feedback, you may have to consider long-term compatibility. It’s not about being shallow—it’s about feeling safe, respected, and attracted in a relationship.
Caring Means Addressing the Tough Stuff
Addressing poor hygiene in a relationship can be difficult, but it’s important. It goes beyond just smell or mess. You want to be close to your significant other, and you want to have respect for them. Approaching the issue from a place of care rather than criticism can help them get on track with better habits all around.
Have you ever had to bring up hygiene in a relationship? What worked—or didn’t—for you? Share your experiences and tips in the comments below!
Read More
