For a larger group, especially for a special occasion, I think the bill should be split evenly. You can’t think of it as “unfair” – you are not paying for the food, but are sharing equally in the cost of the event.

“Some acquaintances are horrible tippers and sometimes they look at what they think the total should be with a tiny tip and subtract what we gave them, so they pay less and part of our tip goes toward their meal.”

This drives me crazy!! I used to know someone who would do this and we eventually stopped going out with her. The kicker was at this dinner where a bunch of us were trying to decide whether to order individual glasses of wine or to split a bottle. A few of us were interested, so we decided on getting at least one bottle. We asked this girl if she’d been planning on ordering a glass, thinking we might get a second bottle. Her response? “No. I’ll just have some of yours.” We all just stared at her.

I can see now why the waiter was unhappy with you for wanting to split one entree between two people. Obviously he wasn’t worried that you wouldn’t have enough food, because with unlimited bread and rice, there’s no such thing as “not enough food” – he was worried that you would fill up on bread and rice and the restaurant wouldn’t make any money off of you. But I don’t think you did anything wrong in this respect – if the restaurant wanted to make sure that each customer orders at least one entree, they would have a stated policy to that effect.

The appetizers were large sampler trays that had more than enough food to go around, and we even had leftovers from each tray that shows that no one ate their fill. And our tray was shared by myself (220lb) and a 400lb man (and our wives), so don’t say it’s cause we’re light eaters. At least 2 of us weren’t.

When we decided to share a meal, it wasn’t because we were being cheap. Stacie IS a light eater, but we also knew that the waiters bring out unlimited bread and rice (it was an Indian restaurant), not counting the bread before the meals too. I didn’t see the need to buy another entree when one was good enough. And even if I did, the share would have been MORE per person, not the same, and I would have burdened everyone else for our indulgence.

As for water, Stacie doesn’t drink anything else (except sometimes tea), and I prefer getting my calories from my food, not my drink, so that’s why I went for water myself (I do so about 80% of the time or more).

When the check came, it came to the other end of the table and they did all the math without us even knowing the check came. I was ready to pay for our shares of the appetizers and our one meal and our share of the guest’s meal, but not DOUBLE what we owed simply because others wanted the hearty meat dishes and drinks. I still can’t fathom how our check got so high in the first place when most meals are in the $9-14 range, and the final tally was $24 per person (across 11 people). SOMEONE had a very pricey meal or two (perhaps the seafood dishes).

As a note, I don’t think anyone ordered alcohol. With the mix of people we were in, most are against alcohol for religious reasons or just don’t drink.

I gave the organizer many opportunities to get more money. At first, I thought the $24 was our share (it was communicated down the table, not directly to us). Once I understood it was per person (after I forked over the initial cash), I asked how much he was short (because often some people just throw in a bunch and don’t want change back) and offered to pay the difference. He kept saying no. I gave him at least 3 chances, but he declined each time.

After the debacle with my father-in-law saying he didn’t want ANY money, then giving it anyway, I learned to take no for an answer. I did hand over another $5 (as I mentioned in the article), and he wanted to hand it back but I walked away.

Yes, there are gray areas and you can say “you should have done this” or “I would have done that”, but unless you’re eating with the same exact people I dined with, your situation will always vary. Heck, even from minute to minute, people are generous or stingy, so you can’t assume your group of friends will always decide the same thing, unless you have it in writing.

Sometimes, if it’s uneven, we’ll do the math.

But seriously, I don’t really like splitting evenly. About half the time I am ordering wine and an appetizer (in addition to an entree), and I REALLY don’t want my friends subsidizing my drinks and snacks. Likewise, I don’t want to subsidize someone else’s. I have been in the position of having someone offer $3 for a split check where he had two beers and an appetizer, and the pregnant woman with a soda and $2 fries is trying to put in $10 (I put my foot down).

OTOH, I have a friend that I do brunch with occasionally (with a large group), and he so sucks at math I just won’t go out anymore. Dh and I routinely get stiffed of about $10-15 each time, because he “forgets” his part, or he doesn’t tip, or he doesn’t add tax, or he collects the money and forgets to leave the tip on the table. I have been out with him in this group where everyone does their own math…and I do my math, add 15-20% for tip plus tax, add a couple of bucks, and THEN get told “everyone needs to add in another $2 (so $4 for us)”. No I don’t THINK so.