Comments on: Dealing with Trust, In-Laws and Money

By: The Digerati Life

The Digerati Life — Wed, 23 May 2007 02:41:14 +0000

You know, we had this situation in our family wherein my parents were wary of my husband and how things were laid out re our family assets. It all changed as soon as we had kids. They no longer worry about where the money’s gonna go. They just think that now it’ll all just end up with the grandkids!

By: Stacie

Stacie — Fri, 18 May 2007 12:17:20 +0000

I must say, Mike didn’t tell the whole story. I wanted to be responsible about my money back then and help my parents out financially with college. So, when I handed over those pay checks, I thought that they were going for college loans. Not until I was getting married did I realize they put my money into savings for my future. As you also may have realized, my husband has a history for some superfluous purchases with money and the less available the money was to us in our bank accounts, the less he will be tempted to spend. He’s finally getting a handle on his temptation for spending money, and I have finally been less lazy to actually care about where the money has been (and do something about it). Hope this clarifies the situation! My mom isn’t the mongel that Mike says she is!

By: PT

PT — Wed, 16 May 2007 04:29:11 +0000

Dude, you handled that much better than I would have. I would have had control over those accounts from day one and probably been very rude about it. Of course, your MIL was wise enough to help your wife save that money, so she deserves much respect. I guess after all those years she felt some ownership in it. Good work, dude.

By: mapgirl

mapgirl — Tue, 15 May 2007 22:00:25 +0000

Moneymonk: He’s just kidding.

Clever Dude: I think her mom does sound a bit overzealous with her guardianship. I mean, let it go. If suddenly she wanted to use the money to fund a year of backpacking after college, why not? She’s the one who worked to earn it, not her mom.

I’m surprised she didn’t freak out at you guys for what you did, regardless of the financial wisdom of it.

Crazy how easy it was to get online access. That’s kind of nuts.

By: Moneymonk

Moneymonk — Tue, 15 May 2007 20:39:48 +0000

Control?
well, we got married and I now control her paycheck

By: Clever Dude

Clever Dude — Tue, 15 May 2007 16:25:25 +0000

Samerwriter, my wife had asked her mother to control her paycheck during college, and after college, well, we got married and I now control her paycheck

The main issue was your second point. The major problem was her needed to control access by EITHER of us to that money. Obviously I wasn’t on the account, but now that Stacie is married to me, she questioned Stacie’s intentions with the money as well.

By: samerwriter

samerwriter — Tue, 15 May 2007 15:37:28 +0000

I have to say, that’s sounds like an odd situation..

Odd first that your mother-in-law was controlling your wife’s paycheck during college, but then really, really odd that she continued to do so after you were married and out of college.

And, in my completely unqualified and uninformed opinion, massively inappropriate that she would question your joint need to know how much money there was.

By: Clever Dude

Clever Dude — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:59:43 +0000

Oh, I should clarify that my wife requested that her mother budget her money for her during college. She didn’t want to touch the money.

By: MoneyDummy

MoneyDummy — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:28:54 +0000

Throughout the process of going to college and getting married, your wife didn’t have access to the money that she earned through her part-time work? Instead, her mother doled out appropriate amounts and resisted telling her what the balance was or giving her access to the accounts?

WEEIIIRDNESSSS. Time to buy that book Ramsey is always recommending: “Boundaries.”

By: plonkee

plonkee — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:05:09 +0000

Wow, if I’d been in the position that your wife was in, I’d be upset that I wasn’t thought of as reliable enough to take care of my own money.

Which probably just goes to show that everyone’s family works differently. I’m also a great believer in “…things will work out”